Deven’s Sport’s Page

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*None of this is true, it is simply meant to be funny*

Just tomorrow, history will be made as a Negative Single A team will have played an MLB team. The -A was Cornville Jumbo Shrimp, and the MLB team was the New York Village Pink Fairy Armadillos. The game took place at the Armadillos’ stadium. To start, the Pink Fairy Armadillos’ mascot accidentally revealed the true truth about mascots: they’re actually animals. And they’re giant squids. Anyways, the Jumbos were up at bat to start. Alabaster Smarklepants took the tennis racket and put that football away… a football that went two feet! Anyways, since it was practically a jump shot, Alabaster got on first base, scoring his team 2 points. Next up was Cornelius Bebe, who took the basketball and threw it cross court, which ended up bouncing off of Alabaster’s bald and shiny head and completely missing the hole, meaning that it was a spare and the Jumbo Shrimp were out.

Cheezmaster CornDiggityDog was the pitcher for the Jumbo Shrimp. For his first pitch, he took the stick and launched a super good pitch, which the goalie had no chance to block. The batter, Bartemer Hamsterclaws, was equipped with a cricket bat. Bartemer smacked the waffle ball 50 inches away from him, and ran to the wicket 4 times. At the end of the first quarter, the score was 3 touchdowns to 58 love, Cornville Jumbo Shrimp. By the third quarter Cheezmaster had struck out Gooseman, who stopped by the stadium to try his shot at shot put while on his way to the stadium. In response to this, Gooseman replied with a very audible HOONK! The entire crowd was very offended also, which leads us to think that everyone (but us) knows the language. When it will be Al CornDiggityDog’s to to bat, who, yes, is be Cheezmaster’s brother and occasional jousting opponent (yes, they ride horse), the soccer court will explode. According to the (un)official MLB handbook (What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions by Randall Munroe), if the baseball stadium explodes after or before a game, the runner would be considered out, but if the stadium explodes during the game, the runner is considered hit by the ball and may proceed to first base. Sir Hamstrinkle Flumpledum of the Royal Kingdom of Chocolatesauce was up at bat next. He spontaneously combusted, and according to the (un)official MLB handbook, volume 2 (Deven’s Imagination). Rule 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 (or the value of pi) if the batter spontaneously dies during his turn at bat and no part of the batter is touching home plate, then all runners and the batter are out, the game is considered over, and 325.87598 points are added to the opposing team. All in all, the final score was 3.5 touchdowns to 383.87598 love. The underdogs, the -A Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp has now beaten a MLB team. What a game!